'I used to lock myself in the room' - Ravichandran Ashwin opens up on battling mental health demons beyond cricket field

Veteran India off-spinner Ravichandran Ashwin etched his name on history books, crossing the landmarks of 100 Tests and 500 wickets. He achieved this remarkable feat during India's recently concluded Test series against England which Rohit Sharma and Co. clinched by 4-1.

Ashwin was recently asked about his wife Preeti's statements mentioning that the cricketer had gone through the counselling sessions in 2017. The 37-year-old recalled the mental health challenges he had faced and the impact of perceptions labelling him as an 'over-thinker' on his leadership chances.

"There are layers of mental health. Some people can succumb to pressure. Some are on the road all the time and can get jaded. Sometimes you are in a very dark place in your life that you want to talk to someone, and I think more often than not, people find themselves in the situation of a victim. Which is a very dangerous situation in my book," Ashwin said during a chat with Indian Express.

"Even though I have my family rooting for me and I can come back to my family, I cannot say a lot of things. I would say cricket, in many ways, is a corporate affair with a little bit of governmental organisational activities and attributes. Though If I come and talk with my dad about corporate stuff, he has only one line to say: It’s all politics. And that’s a very large line. And even fans end up doing the same thing. Occasionally, when I find myself in a dark spot, I have also done that a little. But it’s a very wrong thing to do because you feel somebody’s success is coming very easily. It’s not," he added.

Also read: I am indebted to Dhoni for the rest of my life for what he gave me: Ravichandran Ashwin

He reflected on the invaluable support of his family in maintaining his mental well-being. He recounted a poignant moment when a comment from his father left him deeply saddened and in tears. During that period, he used to lock himself in his room and stopped watching cricket.

"My wife is a wonderful listener, but she had a very young family and I was not giving her enough time. One fine day, we were having a conversation. My dad said something. And some internal affair of the house had broken down. And I said something to my dad. My dad and I fight a lot. And he eventually threw a statement “You know what? You are too upright and honest. That’s why you are getting screwed.” He made that statement and left. I am not someone who is emotive. 

"I would like to think I am pretty strong but I just locked myself away. And then I started weeping. I was crying for a long time. I didn’t expect my dad to say that. I don’t think he even realized what he did. I thought I am putting people in my house through a lot. I used to lock myself in the room. I never watched cricket. My room used to be dark all the time," he said further.

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I decided to quit cricket: Ashwin

Ravichandran Ashwin further recalled the time when he decided to quit cricket. The 37-year-old added that he thought of pursuing alternative career paths, such as an MBA. He revealed that he had considered various options before ultimately seeking external help, adding it ultimately transformed his life and perspective.

"I decided to quit cricket. I was asking myself what would I do? And I said whatever I do in life, I would try to achieve excellence and be as good as I can be in that profession. I would probably try to do an MBA and probably be in marketing. I gave myself so many options and then thought before I make any decision, I must get crystal-clear clarity. Probably get an outsider’s view into my life. And see who I am, where I am. That’s when I sought some external help and it changed my life for the better," he concluded.