SH*T News of the day: Virender Sehwag appointed as the new Indian head coach till World Cup 2019

20th June 2017 offered a surprise to many Indian cricket fans. After a twisted turn of events, successful Indian coach Anil Kumble resigned from his position of the head coach of the Indian cricket team. According to reports, this decision was taken as a result of the rift between the captain and the coach. Indian skipper Virat Kohli was not on friendly terms with the former Indian skipper.

As many as six candidates applied to the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) for the prestigious role of the head coach. Out of the six, one has been selected who was the obvious pick. The ever-so-handsome, ever-so-fit, the gem Virender Sehwag. The former Indian opener will now take over the empire.

SH*T news sources contacted Sehwag after his appointment and in the Zlatan Ibrahimovich style, Viru said: “BCCI didn’t appoint me. I chose to appoint BCCI,” signature Virender Sehwag. Apparently, the BCCI was very satisfied with Sehwag’s job as a mentor in the Indian Premier League this year.

So what is the first thing that Sehwag is going to do to boost the morale of the batsmen? Ask the batters to remember the lyrics of songs by heart. “See, songs are very important. Also, you need to synchronise your song when you are batting with the bowler. Like when Sunil Narine is bowling, you must sing “Bol na halke halke“.

But when Dale Steyn is bowling, you must sing “Tu hain aag, ab tu bhaag Milkha.” Moreover, every note of the song must be correct. Hence, Sehwag has appointed famous singer Dhinchak Pooja to teach the Indian team a thing a two about singing and melody.

After that, a family planning session was carried out. Where a few selected questions were asked and the players repeated the answers taught to them. The first question from Sehwag was “Who is the father?” The players answered in unison “Indiaaaaa”. Next question was “Who is the son?”.

Next question was “Who is the son?”. The answer was “Paaaakistan”. The last question was “Who is the grandson?”. Answer- “Baaangladesh”. As you can see, a father has just one son, and his son also has just one son. Because Viru knows the importance of family planning.

The next session of the day was for Jasprit Bumrah. Sehwag took him near a swimming pool filled with grease. The no-ball line is the margin of the pool. If you overstep, you will fall into the pool filled with grease. Surprisingly,  bowling over 100 balls, Bumrah did not bowl a single no-ball.

The last session of the day was for all-rounder Ravindra Jadeja. Jadeja was batting, while Hardik Pandya was at the other end. The wicketkeeper here was a caged lion (the one Jadeja clicked a picture with). The instructions were very clear. Whenever Hardik decides to run, Jadeja must leave his crease at once, no matter what the consequences are.

The first day of Sehwag as the head coach concluded with the rap song composed by the Nawab of Najafgarh himself, “We’ve got the swag”. After such a tiring practice, we are very confident about the men in blue winning ICC World Cup 2019.

Disclaimer: All the characters, story, content is work of fiction and meant for entertainment purpose only.