IPL Commentary with Indian Politicians behind the mic

IPL Commentary with Indian Politicians behind the mic: Cricket commentary is an intriguing job. Not only does it involve the technical know how’s of the game but also demands a lively and expressive description which should make you feel the atmosphere at the ground even in the comforts of your homes. Commentators have the ability to evoke a degree of great passion and enthusiasm among the viewers. They are always expected to narrate a bit more than what the eyes see. They often provide the interesting backgrounds for a cricketing scenario which the public might not know.

To put it down simpler cricket and humour sit on their tongue. And talking about humour who can match our Indian politicians? Even the most serious speeches they give are hilarious against all episodes of the popular show ‘Comedy Nights with Kapil’ put together. They might not be doing this voluntarily but who is to complain. After all it comes as a welcome relief in a much too professional world. And imagine if these politicians were to one day take the place of commentators and start talking cricket in their political voices. This is how that rare occasion would be like:

Since Narendra Modi and Amit Shah are the two most powerful arms of the BJP government in the centre, they would be synonymous with Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar (considering they are BCCI contracted commentators). The BJP spokesperson Sambit Patra would be an ideal replacement for Navjot Singh Siddhu, since both suffer from verbal diarrhoea. Then there would be prominent names from the opposition like Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi (not to be referred as “Pappu” from now on just because it damages the public perception and causes irreparable loss to the image of anybody named Pappu). Digvijay Singh as always would challenge the fellow commentator for a direct debate even when he is on air. Amongst all of this a certain Arvind Kejriwal would claim that the entire IPL is a conspiracy by the BJP and Congress to remove AAP from power in Delhi. Demands of a high level enquiry would follow such claims.

Somnath Bharti, would go shouting on the roof of the stadium if a player is found positive in a dope test saying that the IPL is nothing but a drug racket and he was aware of it from 20 years but was waiting for the right moment. Oops!!! Mr. Bharti it’s only been 8 years since the IPL has begun. Slip of tongue, you see!! Kumar Vishwas would be upset with the Governing Council for not organising his million dollar poetry concert during the strategic time out. He would threaten to take them to task and go to the highest authority, Barrack Obama. My goodness, Mr. Vishwas forgot in his emotional outburst that he could only go as high as the Supreme Court of India and no further.

Ashutosh, the famous TV anchor – “I have joined the commentary team because I love the game of cricket and not for a ticket”. Haha.. Keep that one liner for some other occasion Ashu. The only tickets in a cricket match are to sit in the stands. Not your fault. Perhaps an occupational hazard!!

And guess who would be the stats expert in the commentary box. Look no further to the young chartered accountant of the AAP Raghav Chaddha. Another advantage of having him there would be even if there is a slight mistake nobody would want to point that out simply to avoid a debate with this young lad.

There will be a name who would be paid absolutely nothing even he provides his services for the entire IPL – Manmohan Singh. If multi crore scams couldn’t break his silence we doubt whether a fabulous shot or a terrific ball would do that either. Therefore commentary would surely not be his cup of tea. Now let us have a look at some point of views of our politicians regarding the game:

Mulayam Singh Yadav: All matches should be shifted to Uttar Pradesh even if it means playing in the backyard of Azam Khan.

Azam Khan: I want reserved tickets for my buffaloes to enter the stadium at any cost.

Akhilesh Yadav: Our party is the best when it comes to running between the wickets. Reason – ‘Our workers just keep running all day long to search the buffaloes of Azam Khan’.

Jay Lalitha: A day would come when I will make a cricket ground as big as the entire South India in my name.

Mayavati: For god sake have at least 10 players from the backward caste (no offences) in each team. Rest you can choose as you wish!!

Arun Jaitley: The financial success of the IPL is because of my budget and the financial irregularities are because it wasn’t actually mine!!!!

Mamatha Banerjee: If the Kolkata Knight Riders do not win the IPL, then each match is fixed. Booth capturing should not be allowed. Wake up Mamta di, elections are over..

Smriti Irani: I was overwhelmed and couldn’t control my tears when MS Dhoni called me her sister. Oh!!! I mean Narendra Modi. Total mix up you see.

Let us also have a look at some of the cricketing instances and how would they look if to be performed by our politicians –

Arvind Kejriwal walks out with both the captains for the toss in the middle. The issue would begin with the coin. Arvind – “This coin represents corporate money. This is not acceptable.”

Even if the toss takes place, Arvind to Dhoni – ‘Why did you choose to bat first? Is it because somebody sitting in the government instructed you to do so? You must answer. Have you made the pitch to suit your team? Keeps shooting acquisitions… 

Lalu Prasad Yadav describing the ramp shot of AB de Villiers – ‘This shot was given to the cricketing world by Bihar. And de Villiers should be greatful to the state for this’. O really!

The Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi during the presentation ceremony in Ahmedabad -‘Brothers and sisters (bhaiyon aur behno) this match is a result of the blood and sweat of each worker who worked tirelessly to build the stadium this is my dream Make in India’.

Sonia Gandhi: ‘The reason for the one sided game is the BJP government at the centre’.

Is that any connection by the way?? Oh, she might be hinting towards the one sided results in the polls of 2014. We understand Mrs. Gandhi. It happens. Don’t lose heart!!!

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